The Wedding Part one: A morning of madness (and pampering)

We did it. We tied the knot, said ‘I do’, got hitched, hooked up the ball and chain and  put the final nail in the coffin.

Yep, that’s right, we got married.

And there are few times I will blow my own trumpet. But seriously folks, as weddings go… It was pretty much perfect. For us anyway.

So the day started in madness, which is just standard in our house. He was taking the two older boys (Oscar and Jonty) over to Whitby to meet his family who were travelling up early.  And i was staying behind with the youngest boy (Leo) to get wedding pampered. All I had to do was get them out the house by noon and the fun stuff could start.

Generally, it was going quite well. Apart from every so often I got that beating heart anxiety thing going on, even though I knew where everything was. You know like when you start gasping for breath and your voice turns screechy and you run into a room spitting out the words”Fuck, where are the braces? Where are the boy’s braces? WHERE THE…”

And he looks at me and calmly says “They are in your hand dear”

And then there was a slight desire to have the house somewhat presentable for the pamper party and the children’s irrepressible desire to destroy all my good work. Yes that was an area of contention.

So we compromised. I threw them out the front on their scooters and the toddler screamed at the gate because he couldn’t join them. And then I prayed that their departure time would arrive.

Finally it did and everything was in the car ready to go, including 2 of the children, and all I had to do was get the groom-to-be in the car too and the stress would be gone. Said groom-to-be was just looking for his speech that he had lovingly neatly written out the night before.

“I left it right here on the table? He was saying pacing in circles round the living room.

“What did it look like?” I asked

“A piece of paper with words penned upon it” he replied.

“Yeah I know, but was it just a list of bullet points”


“I think it’s in the bin”

So on my wedding day i raked through a bin full of unimaginable crap (as all bins are) to find my husband-to-be’s speech. It was retrieved. In one piece. It just had a tea bag stuck to it and was now decorated with a few splatterings of spag bol and orange juice. But still legible nonetheless.

And they left…

The toddler, by then exhausted from screaming, feel asleep eating an ice lolly



And I got wedding pampered.

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